Now its december, I think I need to commit and accept that this blog is a monthly thing!
Once again it comes around to me TTC, but tbh that is why I started blogging, and I shouldve been recording it better.
Each cycle I've had symtoms and I should be writing them down here so I can keep track better.
Ive been making symbolic wiggles and dots on my calander in bright pink pen, and it all makes sence to me! I havent written down how I feel though, so heres me trying to fix that.
It occured to me to record symtoms when I started having 'pregnancy' symptoms AGAIN.
I started trying to compare to how i felt last month in the week before AF (aunt flow- period) got me, or how i felt the cycle before that. Turns out I dont really remeber that far back! (last 2 cycles were 45+ days long each)
so... sorry for tmi coming..still getting the hang of lingo atm but next time I'll try just 'code' lol!
On day 23 of this cycle I had EWCM ( egg white cerival mucus)
we DTD (did the dance-sex) on that day, two days before, and two after.
FC! fingers crossed! hopefully I actually ovulated this time ( i had EWCM 3 times last month, and actually ovulated on a week far too stressfull to dtd)
We've been DTD every few days so if that wasnt it maybe we caught it anyway.
Since day day 29, i have had my IBS (irritable bowel syndrom) playing up. I've been bloated, in pain, and constipated.
Symptoms I also had last month on the week before AF.
on day 30 however the symptoms had taken a diffrent turn. along with the previous list I had, loss of appitite, nausea after eating, 'sicky' feeling, occasional lower acheyness.
This makes me wonder if I did conceive as I dont normally get nausea. but I am trying (and probably) failing to get excited. Plenty of bugs this time of year...
anyway. thats this months timeings and symptoms! if i conceived on day 23, I will be due two weeks before goslings birthday! and then she'll be off to nursery, will be a very busy month! lol.
Tuesday 4 December 2012
Friday 9 November 2012
thinking to the future (FC!)
Wow a month since my last blog :/
As always i come on here with little mind to what I'll be writting, but plough ahead anyway, here goes!
Well I feel that I'm actually avoiding blogging for fear of constantly moaning about TTC. Also avoiding baby and breastfeeding forums that I previously loved and attending baby cafe were I help out new mums.
My last cycle was 60 days long. I only took 3 tests and only spent one week getting excited thinking 'we MUST have done it this time! I have all the symptoms!' only to get my period. Yes I did cry. I'd promised my self I wouldn't get my hopes up and I managed 53 days of just not thinking, worrying or obsessing, but that last week I was on Actively Trying Groups, everyday comparing my 'symptom' with others, the mind can be terribly cruel.
This month I'm receiving holistic help, I'm looking forward to getting my MGG full buckle carrier! I'm buying Christmas presents. I'm going to walk more and lose he weight I put on in the last 2 weeks from self pity eating, lol!
I'm going to make more of an effort to write the amazing things that Gosling does, because she is a wonder to behold, they all are, her and her friends, they're growing up so fast!
This last month I've really seen them all interacting (mostly ending in tears, lol!) but its really great hearing Gosling communicating so well, especially with her dad, it really helps them to bond as he isn't as patient as I am and is easily stressed (mainly because his all ready stressed, work!) so now she can put across clearly what she wants its easier for him to respond how she needs! Its heart warming to hear them play together in the mornings and evenings.
I'd love for them to have more time together but with work and his cars time is mostly taken, sometime in the near future I hope work will have finally changed for the better and with the stress levels down, the cars will be sold or in a state where they can be left while we spend more family time. We've had a fair share of problems with how money/time/stress is being managed and this month the stress levels have been rocketing up and down. Its been hard sometimes thinking about carrying on in a high stress situation, wondering if maybe things will always be that bad and how on earth we'll cope with another child.
But, even though I'm moaning on here, I am looking to the future, I know in 10 years we'll have another child, and look back at these years as the difficult years. Trying to conceive, raising babies, young children, house to work on, mortgage to pay, job being stressful and uncertain, but we stuck it out and it was worth it. I see so many people thinking that hard spells are a time to end relationships, its hard to find a relationship that's made it through hard times and survived positively.
We keep mind to that fact we have the same goals, same wants, and we love each other and our little family. Its a working process of trail an error and compromise.
'Fingers crossed' as they always say on the' AT' groups, FC for a baby, a steady job and a happy family.
As always i come on here with little mind to what I'll be writting, but plough ahead anyway, here goes!
Well I feel that I'm actually avoiding blogging for fear of constantly moaning about TTC. Also avoiding baby and breastfeeding forums that I previously loved and attending baby cafe were I help out new mums.
My last cycle was 60 days long. I only took 3 tests and only spent one week getting excited thinking 'we MUST have done it this time! I have all the symptoms!' only to get my period. Yes I did cry. I'd promised my self I wouldn't get my hopes up and I managed 53 days of just not thinking, worrying or obsessing, but that last week I was on Actively Trying Groups, everyday comparing my 'symptom' with others, the mind can be terribly cruel.
This month I'm receiving holistic help, I'm looking forward to getting my MGG full buckle carrier! I'm buying Christmas presents. I'm going to walk more and lose he weight I put on in the last 2 weeks from self pity eating, lol!
I'm going to make more of an effort to write the amazing things that Gosling does, because she is a wonder to behold, they all are, her and her friends, they're growing up so fast!
This last month I've really seen them all interacting (mostly ending in tears, lol!) but its really great hearing Gosling communicating so well, especially with her dad, it really helps them to bond as he isn't as patient as I am and is easily stressed (mainly because his all ready stressed, work!) so now she can put across clearly what she wants its easier for him to respond how she needs! Its heart warming to hear them play together in the mornings and evenings.
I'd love for them to have more time together but with work and his cars time is mostly taken, sometime in the near future I hope work will have finally changed for the better and with the stress levels down, the cars will be sold or in a state where they can be left while we spend more family time. We've had a fair share of problems with how money/time/stress is being managed and this month the stress levels have been rocketing up and down. Its been hard sometimes thinking about carrying on in a high stress situation, wondering if maybe things will always be that bad and how on earth we'll cope with another child.
But, even though I'm moaning on here, I am looking to the future, I know in 10 years we'll have another child, and look back at these years as the difficult years. Trying to conceive, raising babies, young children, house to work on, mortgage to pay, job being stressful and uncertain, but we stuck it out and it was worth it. I see so many people thinking that hard spells are a time to end relationships, its hard to find a relationship that's made it through hard times and survived positively.
We keep mind to that fact we have the same goals, same wants, and we love each other and our little family. Its a working process of trail an error and compromise.
'Fingers crossed' as they always say on the' AT' groups, FC for a baby, a steady job and a happy family.
Friday 5 October 2012
Impatient and frustrated, TTC.
October!
My favorite time of the month! My birthday, a sling arriving, halloween, and oh, had CM, so could've concieved! Yet for all the things I could be excited I try not to be. and in an ironic twist, trying not to be excited make me feel depressed. But getting excited means dissapointment.
My birthday with my family so far and few close freinds, and Mr.Goose not being so good with suprises and such, its never as good as when your young. The sling might not fit, I found it so difficult to keep Gosling still for measurement. Halloween! so much loved but getting too old for just enjoying pissing it up with the few pub freinds I have. I miss proper childrens partys, but the youngesters are a bit too young to do proper games so just having a small party, I'm always nervous about hosting.
And TTC.
Last month, with my period 3 weeks late. 4 negative results, and no ovulation symptoms, I had to try so hard not to be excited or depressed. I'd feel achey or tired, excitment. test, negative, depression. I finally decide I had enough of being helpless and usless and depressed. So I went to a nurse for advice, how do I get ovulation on track? She started out optimistic when I told her I was 3 weeks late, which wasnt very thoughtful on her part. She told me I might be pregnant but too early for home tests. So needed me to take a test. Her attitude set off my excitment again, not soaring but fluttering hopefully, rising as we waited for the result. But it was negative, of course. I felt my hopes crash down and shatter when she told me there was nothing she could do to encourage ovulation and to just keep trying.
Trying? How the hell was I supposed to 'try' if I wasnt ovulating? My body was playing tricks and I hated it so much, I could just about handle getting periods, because well, I could 'try' next time. With partners stress at work and me running after a toddler, both tired, its hard to just 'keep trying' we couldnt do it every day in the off chance I might be ovulating. Despite wanting another baby we hadnt manage to 'up our game', we averaged once a week. I was relying on CM, side pangs, and timing, to try to get pregnant. So having no idea was so frustrating!!
When the nurse gave me her un-helpful advice I felt so useless. I left with a brave, numb face on, walking the back way home because I knew I was close to tears. My partner thought he was being supportive by phoning me while I was walking home. I shouldnt have answered because when he asked me how it went I just burst into tears. I felt so desolate. I know it sounds so dramatic but thats how it felt at the time. Like my body wouldnt work and I'd never get pregnant. My heart was aching for a baby and somehow I felt like the longer it takes the less likely I am to get it, like it was falling out of reach.
So this month, well. I had egg white streatchy CM. Only a day of it though. So we did 'try'. How long can |I wait before getting excited? Every time I feel the hope flutter I instantly feel dread about experiancing the dissapointment again. Its only been 4months, should be another 2 months before the pills even out my body anyway! So I know I shouldnt be getting so strung up about it already but I cant seem to help it.
Just fingers crossed I have a Cycle, pregnant or period, fingers crossed my body is doing something!
My favorite time of the month! My birthday, a sling arriving, halloween, and oh, had CM, so could've concieved! Yet for all the things I could be excited I try not to be. and in an ironic twist, trying not to be excited make me feel depressed. But getting excited means dissapointment.
My birthday with my family so far and few close freinds, and Mr.Goose not being so good with suprises and such, its never as good as when your young. The sling might not fit, I found it so difficult to keep Gosling still for measurement. Halloween! so much loved but getting too old for just enjoying pissing it up with the few pub freinds I have. I miss proper childrens partys, but the youngesters are a bit too young to do proper games so just having a small party, I'm always nervous about hosting.
And TTC.
Last month, with my period 3 weeks late. 4 negative results, and no ovulation symptoms, I had to try so hard not to be excited or depressed. I'd feel achey or tired, excitment. test, negative, depression. I finally decide I had enough of being helpless and usless and depressed. So I went to a nurse for advice, how do I get ovulation on track? She started out optimistic when I told her I was 3 weeks late, which wasnt very thoughtful on her part. She told me I might be pregnant but too early for home tests. So needed me to take a test. Her attitude set off my excitment again, not soaring but fluttering hopefully, rising as we waited for the result. But it was negative, of course. I felt my hopes crash down and shatter when she told me there was nothing she could do to encourage ovulation and to just keep trying.
Trying? How the hell was I supposed to 'try' if I wasnt ovulating? My body was playing tricks and I hated it so much, I could just about handle getting periods, because well, I could 'try' next time. With partners stress at work and me running after a toddler, both tired, its hard to just 'keep trying' we couldnt do it every day in the off chance I might be ovulating. Despite wanting another baby we hadnt manage to 'up our game', we averaged once a week. I was relying on CM, side pangs, and timing, to try to get pregnant. So having no idea was so frustrating!!
When the nurse gave me her un-helpful advice I felt so useless. I left with a brave, numb face on, walking the back way home because I knew I was close to tears. My partner thought he was being supportive by phoning me while I was walking home. I shouldnt have answered because when he asked me how it went I just burst into tears. I felt so desolate. I know it sounds so dramatic but thats how it felt at the time. Like my body wouldnt work and I'd never get pregnant. My heart was aching for a baby and somehow I felt like the longer it takes the less likely I am to get it, like it was falling out of reach.
So this month, well. I had egg white streatchy CM. Only a day of it though. So we did 'try'. How long can |I wait before getting excited? Every time I feel the hope flutter I instantly feel dread about experiancing the dissapointment again. Its only been 4months, should be another 2 months before the pills even out my body anyway! So I know I shouldnt be getting so strung up about it already but I cant seem to help it.
Just fingers crossed I have a Cycle, pregnant or period, fingers crossed my body is doing something!
Saturday 22 September 2012
so much so fast!
Its so cliche, but time truly fly when your a parent!
I so wanted to record every thought and feeling like a true 'blogger', having failed to keep a diary. But by the time I have a quiet moment to reflect and relax, I'm far too tired to coherently type.
Being a public but personal blog I'm torn between wanting to ramble just to clear my head, and actually wanting to write in an intelligent readable and entertainin manner. I'll probably be switching alot depend on the day of the week!
In the time I haven't been blogging, Goslings grown up so much, before I started this blog I was concerned about her speech, not majorly, just normal mum worries of why she wouldn't say anyting other then animal noises. Now shes using sentences! she tells me little storys about her day, she can tell me exactly what she'd like to snack on, and where she wants to go and who she wants to see. She understand instruction accurately and is getting very good at sharing.
Shes turned two years old and is still breastfeeding, she was ill a few months ago so we re-introduced bedtime feeding, and when she got better we had to wean her off again. Bed times are never a sure thing for easiness, but atm we are enjoying cuddles and storys and only a short rocking before in her cot to pat her bum to sleepy land.
Shes amazingly good at swimming, took to the water like a fish! Shes so happy when she knows we're going swimming, singing 'swimmmingswiiiiiimming' the whole way there.
She taken very well to being carried in a back sling, after a few practises at home she finally decided she enjoyed it when we went for a walk in the woods. I've decided I absolutely hate the buggy! sure its good for shopping, but the ease of baby on your back and walking freely, well, i wanna right my review/experience in another blog.
When we're going out with the carrier now I ask her to climb on, she crys out with excitement ' yeay! mummy, clipclopclipclop', shes ready for a horsey ride, hehe! Now hoping to order more, and we're very excited.
And talking of excitement, or lack of it, we're still not pregnant. I literally ache to be pregnant. My last period was 3weeks late. That was three weeks of absolute hell! Another thing I will rant at length about in another post.
Well, hopefully will be spamming with posts when myl aptop comes back next week!
I so wanted to record every thought and feeling like a true 'blogger', having failed to keep a diary. But by the time I have a quiet moment to reflect and relax, I'm far too tired to coherently type.
Being a public but personal blog I'm torn between wanting to ramble just to clear my head, and actually wanting to write in an intelligent readable and entertainin manner. I'll probably be switching alot depend on the day of the week!
In the time I haven't been blogging, Goslings grown up so much, before I started this blog I was concerned about her speech, not majorly, just normal mum worries of why she wouldn't say anyting other then animal noises. Now shes using sentences! she tells me little storys about her day, she can tell me exactly what she'd like to snack on, and where she wants to go and who she wants to see. She understand instruction accurately and is getting very good at sharing.
Shes turned two years old and is still breastfeeding, she was ill a few months ago so we re-introduced bedtime feeding, and when she got better we had to wean her off again. Bed times are never a sure thing for easiness, but atm we are enjoying cuddles and storys and only a short rocking before in her cot to pat her bum to sleepy land.
Shes amazingly good at swimming, took to the water like a fish! Shes so happy when she knows we're going swimming, singing 'swimmmingswiiiiiimming' the whole way there.
She taken very well to being carried in a back sling, after a few practises at home she finally decided she enjoyed it when we went for a walk in the woods. I've decided I absolutely hate the buggy! sure its good for shopping, but the ease of baby on your back and walking freely, well, i wanna right my review/experience in another blog.
When we're going out with the carrier now I ask her to climb on, she crys out with excitement ' yeay! mummy, clipclopclipclop', shes ready for a horsey ride, hehe! Now hoping to order more, and we're very excited.
And talking of excitement, or lack of it, we're still not pregnant. I literally ache to be pregnant. My last period was 3weeks late. That was three weeks of absolute hell! Another thing I will rant at length about in another post.
Well, hopefully will be spamming with posts when myl aptop comes back next week!
proud moment, growing up x
You may imagion what your child will be like while your pregnant, and from a young age you think you 'know' there personality. I thought i had a car loving, climbing, fearless, active, loud, fun, cheerfull, chatty amazing little almost tomboy girl. Well she is. What i hadnt thought was she'd be a pretty in pink sparkle loving princess!
My child is only 2 years old and I can't use the loo upstairs without hearing ' mummy pretty pretty' and finding her raiding my makeup box,( how the hell did she reach it!?) And used up all my metallic purple lip STAIN! Guess I should be glad she hasn't figured out how to unscrew the eye powders. Yet.
She got stained bright pink, and it was the lipstick that normally stays on for 2 days... I didnt think I even wore lipstick much (even tho I own loads and will have to hide them in the safe) yet I must've influenced her.
I make a point of telling her every thing is pretty, blue, green, clothes, cars, birds, dogs, trees, sticks, shadows, ectect. I avoid pink like the plague, not because I hate pink though, I actually have a fond spot for the 'right' pink. I'm just worried that pink is a gate way colour for frills and tiaras. Yet shes really decided on her own the the prettiest things are pink, shiny, glittery ectect >.<
Still, love her more every day watching her grown into a very real little person, she'll be telling me in no time that 'MUM, you can't go out in that!!' LOL.
My child is only 2 years old and I can't use the loo upstairs without hearing ' mummy pretty pretty' and finding her raiding my makeup box,( how the hell did she reach it!?) And used up all my metallic purple lip STAIN! Guess I should be glad she hasn't figured out how to unscrew the eye powders. Yet.
She got stained bright pink, and it was the lipstick that normally stays on for 2 days... I didnt think I even wore lipstick much (even tho I own loads and will have to hide them in the safe) yet I must've influenced her.
I make a point of telling her every thing is pretty, blue, green, clothes, cars, birds, dogs, trees, sticks, shadows, ectect. I avoid pink like the plague, not because I hate pink though, I actually have a fond spot for the 'right' pink. I'm just worried that pink is a gate way colour for frills and tiaras. Yet shes really decided on her own the the prettiest things are pink, shiny, glittery ectect >.<
Still, love her more every day watching her grown into a very real little person, she'll be telling me in no time that 'MUM, you can't go out in that!!' LOL.
 |
| *preeeeeettty* |
Wednesday 5 September 2012
proud moment number2
So, recently Gosling has realised the benifit of affection, it can be used for bargaining or for apology or just getting her own way!
A few weeks ago I'm crawling around tidying while she is have some chill out time with the TV. I suddenly feel her patting me on the back, I say to her "awww am I a good mummy? Thats lovely patting sweetheart" but her response was "NO! pooooooo....". I twisted round and saw that she was correct. It was poo, rubbed into my Tshirt. thank you sweet heart xxx
A few weeks ago I'm crawling around tidying while she is have some chill out time with the TV. I suddenly feel her patting me on the back, I say to her "awww am I a good mummy? Thats lovely patting sweetheart" but her response was "NO! pooooooo....". I twisted round and saw that she was correct. It was poo, rubbed into my Tshirt. thank you sweet heart xxx
away from blogging :(
well, not that I have any 'followers' yet but in case anyone wonders why I was absent so long its pretty simple, my laptop died! I don't have time to write on my partners as his often in need of it, an I kept thinking it wouldn't be long till its fixed! over a month ago!! lol
well, lots happened, goslings 2years old, we're still TTC, Ive not had a period in 3 weeks but still NEGATIVE! ectect.
I may have to back track and write a few future posts by memory instead of when they happened. Feel a bit bad as I was determined to give blogging a better go then I did my baby diary, which only has a shocking 2 entry's, 1year apart in it. eep!
well, hoping for my blogs soon! xxx
well, lots happened, goslings 2years old, we're still TTC, Ive not had a period in 3 weeks but still NEGATIVE! ectect.
I may have to back track and write a few future posts by memory instead of when they happened. Feel a bit bad as I was determined to give blogging a better go then I did my baby diary, which only has a shocking 2 entry's, 1year apart in it. eep!
well, hoping for my blogs soon! xxx
Monday 9 July 2012
Those proud moments. no1
So it finally happened, I was sitting browsing the interweb when I here Gosling shouting 'Mummyyy Dadddyyyyy' from her bedroom, I start going up
the stairs replying 'Mummys here!' So she shouts' Mummy! helphelp!' I
respond 'You need help?' She shouts ' POOO! POOO!' I'm at the top of the
stairs and I say hopefully, ' Oh you did a poo you need your nappy changed, or do you need the potty?' I open
the door and instantly smell poo, I tell her ' Wow its really smelly!' She does some deep sniffs and says 'poooooooo' My hopes of getting her on a potty gone, i open the curtains so we can use the changing mat, I turn to find her sitting in the corner of her cot, nappy gone, HEAD to TOE covered in POO. It was smeared ALL OVER the
cot, and her bears. I say 'oh!' she says a quiet 'ut-oh', Im in shock but don't want her getting up set so I cheerily say, ' You got your nappy off!' and she looks at me hands held up, caked
in it and proudly, happliy says, 'poo!'.
Yep, well done baby girl!
Yep, well done baby girl!
Saturday 30 June 2012
NEGNEGNEG!!! or not?
I'm finally back again. I've been super busy, running after a toddler, watching 'Game of Thrones' (its totally awesome), giving recieving and reading adviceand chatter on FB breastfeeding support pages, 'making babies' with Mr.Goose (also awesome, lol), and obsessing as to whether or not I'm pregnant.
I've taken about 5 tests in one month. Before TTC i took a pregnancy test just incase we'd already concieved, NEGATIVE. I took ovultain tests for a week. NEGATIVE. Ive given up ovulation tests. After my last post about Cervial Mucus, we carried on trying and at 10days I did a pregnancy test, NEGATIVE. Not only was it negative, but after I finished peeing on the stick and 'wiped' I found blood! I was so dissapointed! gutted, wasted preagnancy test and no baby :(
Later that day tho, I'd had no more bleeding, just a small amount of brownish discharge. So I went straight on google and found that it could be a symptom of ovulation! Took test, NEGATIVE. It could be pregnancy? NEGATIVE. Its also a symptom of Implantation! waited a week, test NEGATIVE. Later in the week I felt a bit sick in the evenings and very tired, could be ovultaion..... NEGATIVE. Could be pregnancy? I was all out of tests, I went to the family planning clinic who had me in last monday, NEGATIVE. The women told me that it was still possible to be pregnant from when i had CM, but still too early to tell (dispite what First Response would have me believe) I asked if I could come back next week? she said I could come back every 3 weeks. I decided then that I would take NO MORE TESTS until my appointment, might as well wait and have them for free right?
Since Wednesday I've had aches in my adnomen, much like period aches.. especially when nursing Gosling... and when I concieved her I had achey pains for a week before taking a test, and it was POSITIVE!!!
SO Ive now decided to take a test on sunday. I know its sad, but I'm no good at waiting! fingers toes, legs and every thing else crossed that its positive before i go crazy or bankrupt us!
sorry for spelling I'm rushed and the spell check won't work!
I've taken about 5 tests in one month. Before TTC i took a pregnancy test just incase we'd already concieved, NEGATIVE. I took ovultain tests for a week. NEGATIVE. Ive given up ovulation tests. After my last post about Cervial Mucus, we carried on trying and at 10days I did a pregnancy test, NEGATIVE. Not only was it negative, but after I finished peeing on the stick and 'wiped' I found blood! I was so dissapointed! gutted, wasted preagnancy test and no baby :(
Later that day tho, I'd had no more bleeding, just a small amount of brownish discharge. So I went straight on google and found that it could be a symptom of ovulation! Took test, NEGATIVE. It could be pregnancy? NEGATIVE. Its also a symptom of Implantation! waited a week, test NEGATIVE. Later in the week I felt a bit sick in the evenings and very tired, could be ovultaion..... NEGATIVE. Could be pregnancy? I was all out of tests, I went to the family planning clinic who had me in last monday, NEGATIVE. The women told me that it was still possible to be pregnant from when i had CM, but still too early to tell (dispite what First Response would have me believe) I asked if I could come back next week? she said I could come back every 3 weeks. I decided then that I would take NO MORE TESTS until my appointment, might as well wait and have them for free right?
Since Wednesday I've had aches in my adnomen, much like period aches.. especially when nursing Gosling... and when I concieved her I had achey pains for a week before taking a test, and it was POSITIVE!!!
SO Ive now decided to take a test on sunday. I know its sad, but I'm no good at waiting! fingers toes, legs and every thing else crossed that its positive before i go crazy or bankrupt us!
sorry for spelling I'm rushed and the spell check won't work!
Friday 22 June 2012
Goslings birth.
I'm Mummy Goose. I became a mother on the 29/8/10 when my awesome lil Gosling was born, here's my jumble of a birth story.
I wrote this originally just 2 months after the Birth, I hadn't spoken to anyone about how I really felt about it so it's a bit of an emotional rant, i will try to amend some bits though so hopefully it'll make more sense.
October 25 2010:
Thinking about mine still makes me cry in private. My water broke at 4am, we rushed to hospital, waited ages then got sent home and told it could be 36hrs! Typical waste of time that would've been spent sleeping. When we got home my contractions started, 5 minutes between them, not painful really, more like period pains, unless i sat/laid down. So i had to stand up pacing, and my water came every time I had a contraction! I got through several towels before i phoned my mum at 9am and she suggested nappys. It wasn't much later when my Partner woke up and asked me about the contractions, 3 minutes apart still just period pains, but he insisted we go to the hospital. I was breathing and focusing through my contractions so all time was lost on me, I have no idea how long we were at home, or how long we had to wait at the hospital to be seen, before being told I was only 2cm. they wanted me to go home but by that point i couldn't sit at all, sitting would cause an instant contraction, which was 10x more painful then the others. i insisted we stay, i paced, leaned over chairs, did strange hip wiggles, the pain was manageable, I just couldn't sit down! I kept asking for a birthing ball but was told they were all in use so I'd have to wait, I told them I'd had blood and they said they'd come look, they didn't. and I kept asking to go in the pool but they said not till I'm 5cm, I kept asking to be check because I was sure I was further along, they just said to wait. I was getting fed up and angry but asked all this very nicely, and because of that they didn't believe I was in active labour. Apparently you only get listened to if your screaming and swearing with each contraction.
My mother arrived in early afternoon, and my partner stepped out , just in time! I'd been dancing in and out of the bathroom unable to decide if i was too hot or too cold, and 'clearing' my system (eewww) when she arrived I relaxed, and then puked. My mother told the nurses that I was going through transition, they asked her if she was a midwife and she said no, so they just left us to it. I'd had enough and went out to shout at them, i was beyond angry at how uncaring the staff was, when i got to the desk however, I bumped into the midwife who runs PYPP, the young parents pre-natal group I'd been going to! I was so happy to see her and told her I needed looking at and I was sure I was past 5 and could I please please please go in the pool! She was very polite and said she had 2 women further along she needed to check, but she would come see me and take over my care, yeay! She said while I was waiting I could use the gas and air, and get in the bath. I tried the gas and air while my mum filled the bath and my partner kept saying 'pecanchuuuu' offering me pecan nuts. which was totally not funny at the time! The gas an air made me feel dizzy, but the bath was great, i finally got to rest after all that time on my feet, and my contractions spaced out to 'small contraction' 5mins break 'BIG contraction' 3 mins break, 'small contracion' ect, till I told my mum I wanted to push! she ran out to the midwife and she came to check me, warning me that from what the nurses had told her, and how long I'd been there, that i was probably only 5, but that's good because then i can get in the pool. Turns out i was a little over 9cm.
I wanted a waterbirth so they told me to use gas an air to slow things down and rest while they filled the pool, I worked my own system of breathing only half gas an air every other contraction. Then I was finally allowed in the pool, finally getting the birth i wanted after being ignored for hours! i got comfy, felt relaxed in the water with the gas and air making me almost sleep between the contractions, my midwife told me to stop the gas and air, to stop breathing through the contractions, and to work with them, it was time to push!
But then my contractions stopped. I'd been in the water finally and was pushing hard over an over and suddenly they were gone. I was so tired I hardly know what happened, they said they were just going to check her position an give me a drip to get going again, then prepped me for a c-section, then doctors rushed in saying I needed ventouse to help pull her out, then did a forceps delivery...an she was fine an no one would say why she needed pulling out, they didn't even give the drip time to work and I had to be told when to push as I couldn't feel the contraction at all then. I do feel gutted that I didn't give birth to her myself, I was so ready an so prepared, I really wanted to do it, in the end I didn't even feel it because they numbed me so they could cut in an use forceps.
She was born at 9:55pm, weighing 6.7lb 18 hours after my water broke. She was put on me a second before taking her to be cleaned an weighed and heart rate checked. she'd been slimy, I don't even remember seeing her on me it was so brief. Then I couldn't hold her because i needed to be sewn up and the doctor insisted I breath gas an air 'properly' while he did it. So those first few moments are a blur to me.
After the doctors all left my mum and the midwife had to leave, I tried feeding her but the drip thingy in my hand made it hard to hold her,I complained a few times then had to wait ages after they agreed to take it out. But she was very sleepy, and wasn't interasted in feeding, and when she did she'd get upset because of her squished nose. I was told to let her sleep so she stayed in her crib by the hospital bed. i watched and listened to the whistling of her breathing and wanted some one to tell me i could feed her or hold her.
The worst thing after was the way every one kept saying she had a traumatic birth and that's why she wouldn't eat and was so tired. I felt so guilty. I've only recently been able to think about it with out sobbing with guilt and disappointment.
I'm glad I managed to keep at it though an had help when I got home, if it weren't for the team I may have ended up feeding her formula because the hospital kept saying she need to eat right away and I wasn't giving her enough, they kept me in 2nights but I insisted I wanted to go home and have the breastfeeding team take over helping me. The hospital was useless anyway, they just kept telling me I needed to feed her but didn't do anything to help me! In the end I dripped the colostrum straight into her mouth, and she ended up having a colostrum moustache!
I'm so glad that there's an on hand breastfeeding team here, they visit at home an come round if you need them, I had to have them round a few times as Gosling couldn't nurse with her nose squished and she barely ate for 3days, the hospital an health visitor were worried she'd loose too much weight an kept suggesting to add formula but the breastfeeding team were really supportive and encouraged me to keep at it, was so hard to get going though, an when my milk came in she still wasn't eating much so it got really full an painful!i had to call the BF team first thing, sobbing down the phone in a panice because she hadnt latched on all night, they told me they'd be round in an hour, i felt instantly reliefed knowing help was coming, so i wrapped Gosling up and cuddled her, then latched her on, no problem!
I don't like speaking to people about it cus I get all tearful and I hate being emotional in front of anyone. And Goslings fine now an gained plenty of weight so I wish I hadn't spent that time being worried , and everything will be so much easier with the next one just because I'll know what to expect. I had asked the hospital if they could make me a copy of my maternity notes but they said they couldn't. I did talk it over with Mr.Goose when he caught me crying a week after the birth and he told me her heart beat went up an down and she was forehead first so was stuck, that's why her nose was so squashed, which was why she'd had problems with feeding, she couldn't breath while eating and would get really upset. Apparently if I had pushed her out myself I probably would've had third degree tears so I guess I should be thankful my contractions stopped. But really I just feel like I missed out on giving birth, I don't think there are many women who look forward to giving birth but I had wanted to do it and experience it naturally an typically I got cheated out of it.
I've always wanted to give birth and have a baby and I feel like I got the baby but I'll have to wait a few more years to actually give birth!
This was written when I still felt ver hormonal and emotional about my experiance, I've ccome to terms with my mummy guilt, it wasnt my fault at all. And Gosling is still feeding at 21months! I felt like sharing this old wound, because i do think of it, not so much in an upset way anymore, but with a little determination, and worry. I want my next birth to go better, if all else fails, I at least want to remember it clearly and stare into my newborns eyes instead of watchinga sleeping baby in a plastic box and wondering if it was ok to feed her, if I'd wake her if I picked her up? I know how to love a baby now, what ever the out come of the birth is.
I wrote this originally just 2 months after the Birth, I hadn't spoken to anyone about how I really felt about it so it's a bit of an emotional rant, i will try to amend some bits though so hopefully it'll make more sense.
October 25 2010:
Thinking about mine still makes me cry in private. My water broke at 4am, we rushed to hospital, waited ages then got sent home and told it could be 36hrs! Typical waste of time that would've been spent sleeping. When we got home my contractions started, 5 minutes between them, not painful really, more like period pains, unless i sat/laid down. So i had to stand up pacing, and my water came every time I had a contraction! I got through several towels before i phoned my mum at 9am and she suggested nappys. It wasn't much later when my Partner woke up and asked me about the contractions, 3 minutes apart still just period pains, but he insisted we go to the hospital. I was breathing and focusing through my contractions so all time was lost on me, I have no idea how long we were at home, or how long we had to wait at the hospital to be seen, before being told I was only 2cm. they wanted me to go home but by that point i couldn't sit at all, sitting would cause an instant contraction, which was 10x more painful then the others. i insisted we stay, i paced, leaned over chairs, did strange hip wiggles, the pain was manageable, I just couldn't sit down! I kept asking for a birthing ball but was told they were all in use so I'd have to wait, I told them I'd had blood and they said they'd come look, they didn't. and I kept asking to go in the pool but they said not till I'm 5cm, I kept asking to be check because I was sure I was further along, they just said to wait. I was getting fed up and angry but asked all this very nicely, and because of that they didn't believe I was in active labour. Apparently you only get listened to if your screaming and swearing with each contraction.
My mother arrived in early afternoon, and my partner stepped out , just in time! I'd been dancing in and out of the bathroom unable to decide if i was too hot or too cold, and 'clearing' my system (eewww) when she arrived I relaxed, and then puked. My mother told the nurses that I was going through transition, they asked her if she was a midwife and she said no, so they just left us to it. I'd had enough and went out to shout at them, i was beyond angry at how uncaring the staff was, when i got to the desk however, I bumped into the midwife who runs PYPP, the young parents pre-natal group I'd been going to! I was so happy to see her and told her I needed looking at and I was sure I was past 5 and could I please please please go in the pool! She was very polite and said she had 2 women further along she needed to check, but she would come see me and take over my care, yeay! She said while I was waiting I could use the gas and air, and get in the bath. I tried the gas and air while my mum filled the bath and my partner kept saying 'pecanchuuuu' offering me pecan nuts. which was totally not funny at the time! The gas an air made me feel dizzy, but the bath was great, i finally got to rest after all that time on my feet, and my contractions spaced out to 'small contraction' 5mins break 'BIG contraction' 3 mins break, 'small contracion' ect, till I told my mum I wanted to push! she ran out to the midwife and she came to check me, warning me that from what the nurses had told her, and how long I'd been there, that i was probably only 5, but that's good because then i can get in the pool. Turns out i was a little over 9cm.
I wanted a waterbirth so they told me to use gas an air to slow things down and rest while they filled the pool, I worked my own system of breathing only half gas an air every other contraction. Then I was finally allowed in the pool, finally getting the birth i wanted after being ignored for hours! i got comfy, felt relaxed in the water with the gas and air making me almost sleep between the contractions, my midwife told me to stop the gas and air, to stop breathing through the contractions, and to work with them, it was time to push!
But then my contractions stopped. I'd been in the water finally and was pushing hard over an over and suddenly they were gone. I was so tired I hardly know what happened, they said they were just going to check her position an give me a drip to get going again, then prepped me for a c-section, then doctors rushed in saying I needed ventouse to help pull her out, then did a forceps delivery...an she was fine an no one would say why she needed pulling out, they didn't even give the drip time to work and I had to be told when to push as I couldn't feel the contraction at all then. I do feel gutted that I didn't give birth to her myself, I was so ready an so prepared, I really wanted to do it, in the end I didn't even feel it because they numbed me so they could cut in an use forceps.
She was born at 9:55pm, weighing 6.7lb 18 hours after my water broke. She was put on me a second before taking her to be cleaned an weighed and heart rate checked. she'd been slimy, I don't even remember seeing her on me it was so brief. Then I couldn't hold her because i needed to be sewn up and the doctor insisted I breath gas an air 'properly' while he did it. So those first few moments are a blur to me.After the doctors all left my mum and the midwife had to leave, I tried feeding her but the drip thingy in my hand made it hard to hold her,I complained a few times then had to wait ages after they agreed to take it out. But she was very sleepy, and wasn't interasted in feeding, and when she did she'd get upset because of her squished nose. I was told to let her sleep so she stayed in her crib by the hospital bed. i watched and listened to the whistling of her breathing and wanted some one to tell me i could feed her or hold her.
The worst thing after was the way every one kept saying she had a traumatic birth and that's why she wouldn't eat and was so tired. I felt so guilty. I've only recently been able to think about it with out sobbing with guilt and disappointment.
I'm glad I managed to keep at it though an had help when I got home, if it weren't for the team I may have ended up feeding her formula because the hospital kept saying she need to eat right away and I wasn't giving her enough, they kept me in 2nights but I insisted I wanted to go home and have the breastfeeding team take over helping me. The hospital was useless anyway, they just kept telling me I needed to feed her but didn't do anything to help me! In the end I dripped the colostrum straight into her mouth, and she ended up having a colostrum moustache!
I'm so glad that there's an on hand breastfeeding team here, they visit at home an come round if you need them, I had to have them round a few times as Gosling couldn't nurse with her nose squished and she barely ate for 3days, the hospital an health visitor were worried she'd loose too much weight an kept suggesting to add formula but the breastfeeding team were really supportive and encouraged me to keep at it, was so hard to get going though, an when my milk came in she still wasn't eating much so it got really full an painful!i had to call the BF team first thing, sobbing down the phone in a panice because she hadnt latched on all night, they told me they'd be round in an hour, i felt instantly reliefed knowing help was coming, so i wrapped Gosling up and cuddled her, then latched her on, no problem!
I don't like speaking to people about it cus I get all tearful and I hate being emotional in front of anyone. And Goslings fine now an gained plenty of weight so I wish I hadn't spent that time being worried , and everything will be so much easier with the next one just because I'll know what to expect. I had asked the hospital if they could make me a copy of my maternity notes but they said they couldn't. I did talk it over with Mr.Goose when he caught me crying a week after the birth and he told me her heart beat went up an down and she was forehead first so was stuck, that's why her nose was so squashed, which was why she'd had problems with feeding, she couldn't breath while eating and would get really upset. Apparently if I had pushed her out myself I probably would've had third degree tears so I guess I should be thankful my contractions stopped. But really I just feel like I missed out on giving birth, I don't think there are many women who look forward to giving birth but I had wanted to do it and experience it naturally an typically I got cheated out of it.
I've always wanted to give birth and have a baby and I feel like I got the baby but I'll have to wait a few more years to actually give birth!
This was written when I still felt ver hormonal and emotional about my experiance, I've ccome to terms with my mummy guilt, it wasnt my fault at all. And Gosling is still feeding at 21months! I felt like sharing this old wound, because i do think of it, not so much in an upset way anymore, but with a little determination, and worry. I want my next birth to go better, if all else fails, I at least want to remember it clearly and stare into my newborns eyes instead of watchinga sleeping baby in a plastic box and wondering if it was ok to feed her, if I'd wake her if I picked her up? I know how to love a baby now, what ever the out come of the birth is.
Wednesday 13 June 2012
TTC, science, or cervical mucus?
Busy busy!
We're officially TTC, I took my last pill on the first of the month. I've been using ovulation tests in hopes of getting pregnant without a period, I was lucky enough to do that by chance the last time we TTC, but this time i wanted to be prepared, and we are hoping for a boy!
Of course we'd love either sex, a girl would be handy as two sisters of close age can share a room when they're older, but having a boy would mean one of each! no pressure to have more, no worrying that we'll never have a boy.
Otherwise our next pregnancy/s we'll be desperately hoping for a boy, and secretly feeling guilty from disappointment each time its a girl. Sad but true, I love gosling more then anything in the world, but when her 20week scan revealed a girl, we hadn't expected it, and felt a low as a result, we'd been so sure we'd have a boy first, a big brother to look over his siblings.
Well, Goslings tough enough, she'll be a fab big sister!
We're officially TTC, I took my last pill on the first of the month. I've been using ovulation tests in hopes of getting pregnant without a period, I was lucky enough to do that by chance the last time we TTC, but this time i wanted to be prepared, and we are hoping for a boy!
Of course we'd love either sex, a girl would be handy as two sisters of close age can share a room when they're older, but having a boy would mean one of each! no pressure to have more, no worrying that we'll never have a boy.
Otherwise our next pregnancy/s we'll be desperately hoping for a boy, and secretly feeling guilty from disappointment each time its a girl. Sad but true, I love gosling more then anything in the world, but when her 20week scan revealed a girl, we hadn't expected it, and felt a low as a result, we'd been so sure we'd have a boy first, a big brother to look over his siblings.
Well, Goslings tough enough, she'll be a fab big sister!
So, ovultion tests. £20 for 7tests, with a possible 14days i could ovulate in. I'm not so good with maths but I'm sure thats not good odds. or good for the bank. And to add to confusion, I know what the body does at ovultion, i know what my cervical mucus will be like and how my cerivix will feel. Well, I've already had the the 'symptoms', but all tests have been negative. *sigh* So now its the age old question, to trust..
Science, or Cervical Mucus?
Now taking bets, and dieing to take a pregnancy test! I might crack and take one just 10days after ttc, and I'll definatly update with the results.
Monday 21 May 2012
Reasons I love breastfeeding
This will be an on going, regularly updated list of why i love breastfeeding, with photos! (and when i get a better camera phone I'll update with better photos :P )
^ no problem, mummy has milk on tap, when ever my girl needs a drink :D
reason two is more sad and even less likely to get a photo tho i will add one of her bump,, yes her bump! I'm an awful mummy who let her poor Gosling fall over and bounce her face off the park floor, causing her to have a large (totally not amusing) bump, in the pattern of the park floor! My poor Bum had that horrible open mouth silence just before the screaming started so you know its serious!
Well, straight onto boobies! Instant comfort, everything calm, and a chance to check her head, first feeling shocked, then unable to stop giggling with all the mums about her very pretty bump! Yes we're very mean, but i hope Gosling does learn to laugh at herself, while mummy kisses the booboo away. <3
- Last week Gosling had a fever, for most the week. She was off her food, and gave up her bedtime/nap time bottle of cows milk!
( i wasn't feeling too great either :P )
Was i worried about weight loss? losing nutrients? dehydration?
NOPE!
It might not be as filling as toast,but it defiantly has everything she needs!
If your wondering what exactly is in BM, click here :
so whats in breastmilk?
- On an average day, I sleep badly, and am barely awake when I or my partner get Gosling from her room and put her in our bed for our morning feed, this is the best time to feed her, it give me a chance to wake up at my own pace, get a cuddle and maybe a kiss, laugh, tickle, wrestle, and reconnect with DD after a night apart, and after we can go downstairs awake and ready to face the day!
This morning, for once, I woke before my lovely lady, so when she woke up i was less passed out during her feed, lol! So i took some (unflattering) photos.
- Playing in the park, there are two good reasons i love breastfeeding to do with playing in the park, and annoyingly i haven't managed to get photos so hopefully add them later!
^ no problem, mummy has milk on tap, when ever my girl needs a drink :D
reason two is more sad and even less likely to get a photo tho i will add one of her bump,, yes her bump! I'm an awful mummy who let her poor Gosling fall over and bounce her face off the park floor, causing her to have a large (totally not amusing) bump, in the pattern of the park floor! My poor Bum had that horrible open mouth silence just before the screaming started so you know its serious!
a few hours later, pattern bruise! :(
Friday 18 May 2012
Goslings strabismus
Gosling has been wearing glasses for almost 3months now, shes done amazingly well keeping them on for the first 2 an a half months, but the last week or so shes been looking over the glasses, and taking them off more in the last few days. My hope is that her eye sight has improved and thats why she doesnt like them, when we first put them on her it seemed like she actually liked it, she happily nodded when we asked her if she wanted her glasses in the morning. now she seems indiffrent to them, shes not bother if they come off. It could just be boredom of them, but fingers crossed its improvement. she has her second eye appointment in june. we have to go back every 3months to check her eyes.
I say EYES because though she has a strabismus, shes also long sighted, very long sighted apparently, and its unclear whether the eye turning was caused by her eye sight, or if her sight has been damaged by the strabismus, the left eye by turning, the right eye by compensating.
Strabismus runs in my family, my brother got glasses at just before he was 3 i believe, he also had to wear patches as the eye had become lazy, and eventually had to have an operation to correct the turn. It still turns in without his glasses.
When I first noticed Goslings eye turn i hoped i was imagining it, that i was being paranoid. but when my partner mentioned it i took her straight to the doctor, who confirmed that yes it was turning,and no that's never good. Children don't out grow an eye turn. sometimes the eye might look like its turning but its actually just set differently, but if the eye is defiantly turning then it needs to be fixed before the brain stops trying to correct it and the eye becomes, lazy, and if that's not fixed then the eye will lose all sight, like my uncle.
Obviously this all really upset me, and it was 2weeks before we got our referral letter, then a month before our first appointment. During that time the eye turned more frequently and more dramatically. It broke my heart to see it.
I started using flash cards to encourage the eye to focus and follow, doing gesture songs more often and anything i could think of to improve hand eye co-ordination. And in the last few weeks before the appointment her eye seemed to improve. i was hoping they'd say she just needed more eye therapy or a patch to make the eye stronger.
Instead i was told that 18month old needed glasses. I was crushed, thinking it would be battles to keep them on, that she'd hate it, that she wouldn't be able to roll about and jump and wrestle or she'd hurt herself on them.
I was wrong though. She was happy to wear them, the improvement noticeable in minutes and the thick, horrible nose piece i hated protects her from bashing her nose.
The fact that she got caught so early is good, all the doctors were impressed I'd noticed so young and although they couldn't say whether she'd permanently be long sighted they're positive they eye won't become 'lazy' and she shouldnt need and operation. They said each appointment should show an improvement and as she gets older the tests will be more accurate. I'm actually lucky they saw her at all, when I'd been research it all the sights suggested that under two years is too young.
I did hate seeing those huge ugly glasses on her, everyone said she was cute in them but it took a while to see it, at first the only thing that consoled me was when one of my best, brutally honest friends said to me ' those glasses are awful, she'll hate the pictures when shes a teenager!' that made me laugh, (i guess i have a cruel sense of humour :P ) and I realised that it wont be long before we can pick out prettier, big girl glasses instead of the baby ones (which are still too big since shes so young!) or even, if we're lucky, she might not need them at all.
For now though, shes a silly, brave, fearless, geeky (loves books an watching manga), car loving, muddy puddle jumping, rawring, awesome lil girl. And the only thing the glasses change is the size of the beautiful, now even bigger, eyes <3
to read more about her condition please click the link below
strabismus-and-amblyopia
I say EYES because though she has a strabismus, shes also long sighted, very long sighted apparently, and its unclear whether the eye turning was caused by her eye sight, or if her sight has been damaged by the strabismus, the left eye by turning, the right eye by compensating.
Strabismus runs in my family, my brother got glasses at just before he was 3 i believe, he also had to wear patches as the eye had become lazy, and eventually had to have an operation to correct the turn. It still turns in without his glasses.
When I first noticed Goslings eye turn i hoped i was imagining it, that i was being paranoid. but when my partner mentioned it i took her straight to the doctor, who confirmed that yes it was turning,and no that's never good. Children don't out grow an eye turn. sometimes the eye might look like its turning but its actually just set differently, but if the eye is defiantly turning then it needs to be fixed before the brain stops trying to correct it and the eye becomes, lazy, and if that's not fixed then the eye will lose all sight, like my uncle.
Obviously this all really upset me, and it was 2weeks before we got our referral letter, then a month before our first appointment. During that time the eye turned more frequently and more dramatically. It broke my heart to see it.
I started using flash cards to encourage the eye to focus and follow, doing gesture songs more often and anything i could think of to improve hand eye co-ordination. And in the last few weeks before the appointment her eye seemed to improve. i was hoping they'd say she just needed more eye therapy or a patch to make the eye stronger.
Instead i was told that 18month old needed glasses. I was crushed, thinking it would be battles to keep them on, that she'd hate it, that she wouldn't be able to roll about and jump and wrestle or she'd hurt herself on them.
I was wrong though. She was happy to wear them, the improvement noticeable in minutes and the thick, horrible nose piece i hated protects her from bashing her nose.
The fact that she got caught so early is good, all the doctors were impressed I'd noticed so young and although they couldn't say whether she'd permanently be long sighted they're positive they eye won't become 'lazy' and she shouldnt need and operation. They said each appointment should show an improvement and as she gets older the tests will be more accurate. I'm actually lucky they saw her at all, when I'd been research it all the sights suggested that under two years is too young.
I did hate seeing those huge ugly glasses on her, everyone said she was cute in them but it took a while to see it, at first the only thing that consoled me was when one of my best, brutally honest friends said to me ' those glasses are awful, she'll hate the pictures when shes a teenager!' that made me laugh, (i guess i have a cruel sense of humour :P ) and I realised that it wont be long before we can pick out prettier, big girl glasses instead of the baby ones (which are still too big since shes so young!) or even, if we're lucky, she might not need them at all.
For now though, shes a silly, brave, fearless, geeky (loves books an watching manga), car loving, muddy puddle jumping, rawring, awesome lil girl. And the only thing the glasses change is the size of the beautiful, now even bigger, eyes <3
to read more about her condition please click the link below
strabismus-and-amblyopia
not even the worst photo :(
much better! loves you x
Saturday 12 May 2012
Extended tandem breastfeeding? or not?
I'm rather shattered but i need to get this out my system, I've been rolling through my google read list and obviiuosly theres loads of articles about the Times cover, yea its ridiculous, magazine covers genraly are, thats not what annoyed me.
On my last post i mentioned tandem nursing, i will totally get completely into my views and questions of that soon, but not right now... or mayb i'm so tired i'll just rant on..ok rant it is, be prepared for rambling!
Anyway, this is related- Ive been trying to research extended feeding so today looking at these Times articles Im expecting interesting, helpful views.... but no its mostly arguing mum war rubbish, so i'm clicking on ' related' articles, some even titled ' why i extended breastfeeding' and ' thinking of extended breastfeeding' these titles grab my attention, but im annoyingly dissapointed, these 'extended' breastfeeding mothers only breast fed to 18-22months which is GREAT, Im so happy to hear that more ppl went so long, in my real world not many people made it to a year.
However, I didnt consider 18months as extended, dont ask me why, but it didnt occur to me that I'm already doing it!
I wanted, needed, to find articles on 2years plus, over the recommendation to breastfeeding, past when its considered 'needed' to health proffesionals and society. Thats what extended should be.
Gosling is already 20months and as I'm planning a pregnancy soon, i was expecting her to wean during the first trimester, when it just so happens she'll be 2years (or slightly over).
My hope is that because she will have made it to the 'recommended' age i won't feel too guilty, because i'm basiclly forcing her off my milk by getting pregnant. I love her beyond anything and although I've justified her stopping the milk part of me fears that she'll be horribly frustrated, wanting my milk but being tortured with something that doesnt taste right, and being forced to stop.
How do others cope? how bad was it? or did they carry on regardless?
She only comfort feeds a few times a day and one good feed in the morning, its the best thing in the world to have her come into our bed at 7am and feed and cuddle so we can all wake up together at a nice pace. Goslings so independant and active that our quick feeds are our main cuddle times, so I'm also afraid we wont be as close.
What i need to know is, would it be so bad if, and is it really possible, to carry on through out pregnancy? i have no doubt she'd stop at nursery age, or at least only have morning, or her pr-ebed time 2 minute feed, she often goes without me when she stays at grannys all sunday, i even went away for a whole weekend. I know she wont be jealous of a newborn, she loves bring dollys to me for a feed, and even 'breastfeeds' them herself! <3
She only 'needs' mummy milk when shes ill, or teething, which atm happens often, like every other week. I'm totally torn and ive been reading and reading but in the end i do think its Gosling who will decide whether she can get thru the pregnancy and if she'll carry on, i just need to be full prepared and decide whether i should be encouraging her to carry on, or to stop.
On my last post i mentioned tandem nursing, i will totally get completely into my views and questions of that soon, but not right now... or mayb i'm so tired i'll just rant on..ok rant it is, be prepared for rambling!
Anyway, this is related- Ive been trying to research extended feeding so today looking at these Times articles Im expecting interesting, helpful views.... but no its mostly arguing mum war rubbish, so i'm clicking on ' related' articles, some even titled ' why i extended breastfeeding' and ' thinking of extended breastfeeding' these titles grab my attention, but im annoyingly dissapointed, these 'extended' breastfeeding mothers only breast fed to 18-22months which is GREAT, Im so happy to hear that more ppl went so long, in my real world not many people made it to a year.
However, I didnt consider 18months as extended, dont ask me why, but it didnt occur to me that I'm already doing it!
I wanted, needed, to find articles on 2years plus, over the recommendation to breastfeeding, past when its considered 'needed' to health proffesionals and society. Thats what extended should be.
Gosling is already 20months and as I'm planning a pregnancy soon, i was expecting her to wean during the first trimester, when it just so happens she'll be 2years (or slightly over).
My hope is that because she will have made it to the 'recommended' age i won't feel too guilty, because i'm basiclly forcing her off my milk by getting pregnant. I love her beyond anything and although I've justified her stopping the milk part of me fears that she'll be horribly frustrated, wanting my milk but being tortured with something that doesnt taste right, and being forced to stop.
How do others cope? how bad was it? or did they carry on regardless?
She only comfort feeds a few times a day and one good feed in the morning, its the best thing in the world to have her come into our bed at 7am and feed and cuddle so we can all wake up together at a nice pace. Goslings so independant and active that our quick feeds are our main cuddle times, so I'm also afraid we wont be as close.
What i need to know is, would it be so bad if, and is it really possible, to carry on through out pregnancy? i have no doubt she'd stop at nursery age, or at least only have morning, or her pr-ebed time 2 minute feed, she often goes without me when she stays at grannys all sunday, i even went away for a whole weekend. I know she wont be jealous of a newborn, she loves bring dollys to me for a feed, and even 'breastfeeds' them herself! <3
She only 'needs' mummy milk when shes ill, or teething, which atm happens often, like every other week. I'm totally torn and ive been reading and reading but in the end i do think its Gosling who will decide whether she can get thru the pregnancy and if she'll carry on, i just need to be full prepared and decide whether i should be encouraging her to carry on, or to stop.
( this is us cuddled up breastfeeding, she let go long enough to smile at me, who would't want that sweet girl cuddled up for a nutritous snack?)
Friday 11 May 2012
TumbleTot
Friday mornings is TumbleTots day! Last week Gosling recieved her tshirt in the post and i was stupidly proud to put her into it! She also looked ridiculously pleased, and when i told her we were going to tumbletots she was so excited, making the 'tumble' sign with her hands, then shouting 'toohmmble' with her hands over her mouth, like she does when watching 'MrTumble' on cbeebies.. LOL! she thought we were going to see mr.tumble! She was so cute calling and calling him on the way there, luckily when we got there and she saw what we were really doing she wasnt the least dissapointed, she ran in like a crazy super child with amazing speed, agility and energy, i do love her soo much, and she gives me a good work out! she knows mummy needs to keep in shape for making babies, haha!
Tumbletots is a weekly memebers club with lots of climbing and balancing equipment and activitys to teach your child safe play and confidence, but since Gosling is such a fearless expert already that its more educational for me, reasurring and learning how capable she is, even if it does scare the hell outta me when she runs down the slide or climbs up ladders and runs across beams! She loves it so much though I'd happily take her every morning <3
Shes definatly feeling better today and was better yesterday too, I even managed to cut her hair! finally the lovely long , knotty straggles of hair are cut in to an awesomely cute bob, it took alot of patience from me and all afternoon to get it even since she would not keep still and hated the scissors, but its done and its short too so i wont have to do it too often, haha.
Tumbletots is a weekly memebers club with lots of climbing and balancing equipment and activitys to teach your child safe play and confidence, but since Gosling is such a fearless expert already that its more educational for me, reasurring and learning how capable she is, even if it does scare the hell outta me when she runs down the slide or climbs up ladders and runs across beams! She loves it so much though I'd happily take her every morning <3
Shes definatly feeling better today and was better yesterday too, I even managed to cut her hair! finally the lovely long , knotty straggles of hair are cut in to an awesomely cute bob, it took alot of patience from me and all afternoon to get it even since she would not keep still and hated the scissors, but its done and its short too so i wont have to do it too often, haha.
"TOOHMMBLE!!"
Wednesday 9 May 2012
teething and breastfeeding
Into May already! I've been taking my pre-natal pills and eating healthier...well except for the girls night we had friday and my sister is visiting which means one thing, BROWNIES!! lol.
I usually use the rule that as long as im keeping active (which when running after a my Gosling isnt too hard) then i won't worry too much about the odd treat, but 3 days of rain and a poorly teething toddler means i've been pretty lazy, so i did some stretches and squats to make up for it :P
We're starting to get cabin fever, but Gosling is poorly, she spent all weekend teething and being super tired bless her, and this morning has woken up all snotty and even fussier. Shes normally a very active, independant fearless,crazy child, which i love her so much for, she'll be a brilliant big sister! I hate seeing her just slumped in front of the tv and getting frustrated with everything. The only thing that makes her feel better is Mummys milk, which she has every morning in our bed and shes allowed through out the day whenever she wants, i offer her food or water so she can choose exactly what she wants, but if its mummy she wants it mummy she gets!
Which is fine with me, except when shes teething bad like she was yesterday evening and this morning, she grinds her jaw, on me, and yes its as painful as it sounds! It makes a lovely 'ring' round my nipple, half is a dent, the other half is a bruise. Yesterday wasnt so bad, it was almost bedtime when she started grinding so i just had to distract her long enough to get her to bed, which Mr.Goose had to do to avoid her having a 'i need mummy milk' fit, which she only does when shes poorly and i feel so guilty that i cant do it thanks to the teething ring she'd left :( but she doesnt normally have my milk at bedtime anyway, and daddy goose gets her off so quick <3
So far this morning shes kept asking for milk but has managed on just my left, much less painful side, and now shes asleep, I'm hoping she'll wake up all better and ready to jump on the sofa and wrestle with me <3 love her so much and I will be so sad when she stops breastfeeding, which i both hope and dread she stops during the first trimester, but I'll write more on my thoughts of that later. she could wake up any minute and the house needs some attention :P
I usually use the rule that as long as im keeping active (which when running after a my Gosling isnt too hard) then i won't worry too much about the odd treat, but 3 days of rain and a poorly teething toddler means i've been pretty lazy, so i did some stretches and squats to make up for it :P
We're starting to get cabin fever, but Gosling is poorly, she spent all weekend teething and being super tired bless her, and this morning has woken up all snotty and even fussier. Shes normally a very active, independant fearless,crazy child, which i love her so much for, she'll be a brilliant big sister! I hate seeing her just slumped in front of the tv and getting frustrated with everything. The only thing that makes her feel better is Mummys milk, which she has every morning in our bed and shes allowed through out the day whenever she wants, i offer her food or water so she can choose exactly what she wants, but if its mummy she wants it mummy she gets!
Which is fine with me, except when shes teething bad like she was yesterday evening and this morning, she grinds her jaw, on me, and yes its as painful as it sounds! It makes a lovely 'ring' round my nipple, half is a dent, the other half is a bruise. Yesterday wasnt so bad, it was almost bedtime when she started grinding so i just had to distract her long enough to get her to bed, which Mr.Goose had to do to avoid her having a 'i need mummy milk' fit, which she only does when shes poorly and i feel so guilty that i cant do it thanks to the teething ring she'd left :( but she doesnt normally have my milk at bedtime anyway, and daddy goose gets her off so quick <3
So far this morning shes kept asking for milk but has managed on just my left, much less painful side, and now shes asleep, I'm hoping she'll wake up all better and ready to jump on the sofa and wrestle with me <3 love her so much and I will be so sad when she stops breastfeeding, which i both hope and dread she stops during the first trimester, but I'll write more on my thoughts of that later. she could wake up any minute and the house needs some attention :P
Saturday 5 May 2012
This is our blog :)
Starting june we'll be on the look out for pregnancy no2, and with
that egg cosy in my 'nest', hormones and a toddler to chase, 9months
will be too short! I'm so excited and have so many plans for this 'egg'
and we havent even started 'trying' yet, lol! i loved my last pregnancy,
but i didnt record it very well, its a small note book, short updates,
but not long ramblings of my hopes, plans and struggles.
My inspiration for this blog comes from my 'research' over the last weeks, you could also call it 'obsessing' over birth storys and tandem and parenting blogs! Its great reading success storys,
So hears my blog, i apologise in advance for my poor spelling!
My inspiration for this blog comes from my 'research' over the last weeks, you could also call it 'obsessing' over birth storys and tandem and parenting blogs! Its great reading success storys,
So hears my blog, i apologise in advance for my poor spelling!
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