Now its december, I think I need to commit and accept that this blog is a monthly thing!
Once again it comes around to me TTC, but tbh that is why I started blogging, and I shouldve been recording it better.
Each cycle I've had symtoms and I should be writing them down here so I can keep track better.
Ive been making symbolic wiggles and dots on my calander in bright pink pen, and it all makes sence to me! I havent written down how I feel though, so heres me trying to fix that.
It occured to me to record symtoms when I started having 'pregnancy' symptoms AGAIN.
I started trying to compare to how i felt last month in the week before AF (aunt flow- period) got me, or how i felt the cycle before that. Turns out I dont really remeber that far back! (last 2 cycles were 45+ days long each)
so... sorry for tmi coming..still getting the hang of lingo atm but next time I'll try just 'code' lol!
On day 23 of this cycle I had EWCM ( egg white cerival mucus)
we DTD (did the dance-sex) on that day, two days before, and two after.
FC! fingers crossed! hopefully I actually ovulated this time ( i had EWCM 3 times last month, and actually ovulated on a week far too stressfull to dtd)
We've been DTD every few days so if that wasnt it maybe we caught it anyway.
Since day day 29, i have had my IBS (irritable bowel syndrom) playing up. I've been bloated, in pain, and constipated.
Symptoms I also had last month on the week before AF.
on day 30 however the symptoms had taken a diffrent turn. along with the previous list I had, loss of appitite, nausea after eating, 'sicky' feeling, occasional lower acheyness.
This makes me wonder if I did conceive as I dont normally get nausea. but I am trying (and probably) failing to get excited. Plenty of bugs this time of year...
anyway. thats this months timeings and symptoms! if i conceived on day 23, I will be due two weeks before goslings birthday! and then she'll be off to nursery, will be a very busy month! lol.
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Friday, 9 November 2012
thinking to the future (FC!)
Wow a month since my last blog :/
As always i come on here with little mind to what I'll be writting, but plough ahead anyway, here goes!
Well I feel that I'm actually avoiding blogging for fear of constantly moaning about TTC. Also avoiding baby and breastfeeding forums that I previously loved and attending baby cafe were I help out new mums.
My last cycle was 60 days long. I only took 3 tests and only spent one week getting excited thinking 'we MUST have done it this time! I have all the symptoms!' only to get my period. Yes I did cry. I'd promised my self I wouldn't get my hopes up and I managed 53 days of just not thinking, worrying or obsessing, but that last week I was on Actively Trying Groups, everyday comparing my 'symptom' with others, the mind can be terribly cruel.
This month I'm receiving holistic help, I'm looking forward to getting my MGG full buckle carrier! I'm buying Christmas presents. I'm going to walk more and lose he weight I put on in the last 2 weeks from self pity eating, lol!
I'm going to make more of an effort to write the amazing things that Gosling does, because she is a wonder to behold, they all are, her and her friends, they're growing up so fast!
This last month I've really seen them all interacting (mostly ending in tears, lol!) but its really great hearing Gosling communicating so well, especially with her dad, it really helps them to bond as he isn't as patient as I am and is easily stressed (mainly because his all ready stressed, work!) so now she can put across clearly what she wants its easier for him to respond how she needs! Its heart warming to hear them play together in the mornings and evenings.
I'd love for them to have more time together but with work and his cars time is mostly taken, sometime in the near future I hope work will have finally changed for the better and with the stress levels down, the cars will be sold or in a state where they can be left while we spend more family time. We've had a fair share of problems with how money/time/stress is being managed and this month the stress levels have been rocketing up and down. Its been hard sometimes thinking about carrying on in a high stress situation, wondering if maybe things will always be that bad and how on earth we'll cope with another child.
But, even though I'm moaning on here, I am looking to the future, I know in 10 years we'll have another child, and look back at these years as the difficult years. Trying to conceive, raising babies, young children, house to work on, mortgage to pay, job being stressful and uncertain, but we stuck it out and it was worth it. I see so many people thinking that hard spells are a time to end relationships, its hard to find a relationship that's made it through hard times and survived positively.
We keep mind to that fact we have the same goals, same wants, and we love each other and our little family. Its a working process of trail an error and compromise.
'Fingers crossed' as they always say on the' AT' groups, FC for a baby, a steady job and a happy family.
As always i come on here with little mind to what I'll be writting, but plough ahead anyway, here goes!
Well I feel that I'm actually avoiding blogging for fear of constantly moaning about TTC. Also avoiding baby and breastfeeding forums that I previously loved and attending baby cafe were I help out new mums.
My last cycle was 60 days long. I only took 3 tests and only spent one week getting excited thinking 'we MUST have done it this time! I have all the symptoms!' only to get my period. Yes I did cry. I'd promised my self I wouldn't get my hopes up and I managed 53 days of just not thinking, worrying or obsessing, but that last week I was on Actively Trying Groups, everyday comparing my 'symptom' with others, the mind can be terribly cruel.
This month I'm receiving holistic help, I'm looking forward to getting my MGG full buckle carrier! I'm buying Christmas presents. I'm going to walk more and lose he weight I put on in the last 2 weeks from self pity eating, lol!
I'm going to make more of an effort to write the amazing things that Gosling does, because she is a wonder to behold, they all are, her and her friends, they're growing up so fast!
This last month I've really seen them all interacting (mostly ending in tears, lol!) but its really great hearing Gosling communicating so well, especially with her dad, it really helps them to bond as he isn't as patient as I am and is easily stressed (mainly because his all ready stressed, work!) so now she can put across clearly what she wants its easier for him to respond how she needs! Its heart warming to hear them play together in the mornings and evenings.
I'd love for them to have more time together but with work and his cars time is mostly taken, sometime in the near future I hope work will have finally changed for the better and with the stress levels down, the cars will be sold or in a state where they can be left while we spend more family time. We've had a fair share of problems with how money/time/stress is being managed and this month the stress levels have been rocketing up and down. Its been hard sometimes thinking about carrying on in a high stress situation, wondering if maybe things will always be that bad and how on earth we'll cope with another child.
But, even though I'm moaning on here, I am looking to the future, I know in 10 years we'll have another child, and look back at these years as the difficult years. Trying to conceive, raising babies, young children, house to work on, mortgage to pay, job being stressful and uncertain, but we stuck it out and it was worth it. I see so many people thinking that hard spells are a time to end relationships, its hard to find a relationship that's made it through hard times and survived positively.
We keep mind to that fact we have the same goals, same wants, and we love each other and our little family. Its a working process of trail an error and compromise.
'Fingers crossed' as they always say on the' AT' groups, FC for a baby, a steady job and a happy family.
Friday, 5 October 2012
Impatient and frustrated, TTC.
October!
My favorite time of the month! My birthday, a sling arriving, halloween, and oh, had CM, so could've concieved! Yet for all the things I could be excited I try not to be. and in an ironic twist, trying not to be excited make me feel depressed. But getting excited means dissapointment.
My birthday with my family so far and few close freinds, and Mr.Goose not being so good with suprises and such, its never as good as when your young. The sling might not fit, I found it so difficult to keep Gosling still for measurement. Halloween! so much loved but getting too old for just enjoying pissing it up with the few pub freinds I have. I miss proper childrens partys, but the youngesters are a bit too young to do proper games so just having a small party, I'm always nervous about hosting.
And TTC.
Last month, with my period 3 weeks late. 4 negative results, and no ovulation symptoms, I had to try so hard not to be excited or depressed. I'd feel achey or tired, excitment. test, negative, depression. I finally decide I had enough of being helpless and usless and depressed. So I went to a nurse for advice, how do I get ovulation on track? She started out optimistic when I told her I was 3 weeks late, which wasnt very thoughtful on her part. She told me I might be pregnant but too early for home tests. So needed me to take a test. Her attitude set off my excitment again, not soaring but fluttering hopefully, rising as we waited for the result. But it was negative, of course. I felt my hopes crash down and shatter when she told me there was nothing she could do to encourage ovulation and to just keep trying.
Trying? How the hell was I supposed to 'try' if I wasnt ovulating? My body was playing tricks and I hated it so much, I could just about handle getting periods, because well, I could 'try' next time. With partners stress at work and me running after a toddler, both tired, its hard to just 'keep trying' we couldnt do it every day in the off chance I might be ovulating. Despite wanting another baby we hadnt manage to 'up our game', we averaged once a week. I was relying on CM, side pangs, and timing, to try to get pregnant. So having no idea was so frustrating!!
When the nurse gave me her un-helpful advice I felt so useless. I left with a brave, numb face on, walking the back way home because I knew I was close to tears. My partner thought he was being supportive by phoning me while I was walking home. I shouldnt have answered because when he asked me how it went I just burst into tears. I felt so desolate. I know it sounds so dramatic but thats how it felt at the time. Like my body wouldnt work and I'd never get pregnant. My heart was aching for a baby and somehow I felt like the longer it takes the less likely I am to get it, like it was falling out of reach.
So this month, well. I had egg white streatchy CM. Only a day of it though. So we did 'try'. How long can |I wait before getting excited? Every time I feel the hope flutter I instantly feel dread about experiancing the dissapointment again. Its only been 4months, should be another 2 months before the pills even out my body anyway! So I know I shouldnt be getting so strung up about it already but I cant seem to help it.
Just fingers crossed I have a Cycle, pregnant or period, fingers crossed my body is doing something!
My favorite time of the month! My birthday, a sling arriving, halloween, and oh, had CM, so could've concieved! Yet for all the things I could be excited I try not to be. and in an ironic twist, trying not to be excited make me feel depressed. But getting excited means dissapointment.
My birthday with my family so far and few close freinds, and Mr.Goose not being so good with suprises and such, its never as good as when your young. The sling might not fit, I found it so difficult to keep Gosling still for measurement. Halloween! so much loved but getting too old for just enjoying pissing it up with the few pub freinds I have. I miss proper childrens partys, but the youngesters are a bit too young to do proper games so just having a small party, I'm always nervous about hosting.
And TTC.
Last month, with my period 3 weeks late. 4 negative results, and no ovulation symptoms, I had to try so hard not to be excited or depressed. I'd feel achey or tired, excitment. test, negative, depression. I finally decide I had enough of being helpless and usless and depressed. So I went to a nurse for advice, how do I get ovulation on track? She started out optimistic when I told her I was 3 weeks late, which wasnt very thoughtful on her part. She told me I might be pregnant but too early for home tests. So needed me to take a test. Her attitude set off my excitment again, not soaring but fluttering hopefully, rising as we waited for the result. But it was negative, of course. I felt my hopes crash down and shatter when she told me there was nothing she could do to encourage ovulation and to just keep trying.
Trying? How the hell was I supposed to 'try' if I wasnt ovulating? My body was playing tricks and I hated it so much, I could just about handle getting periods, because well, I could 'try' next time. With partners stress at work and me running after a toddler, both tired, its hard to just 'keep trying' we couldnt do it every day in the off chance I might be ovulating. Despite wanting another baby we hadnt manage to 'up our game', we averaged once a week. I was relying on CM, side pangs, and timing, to try to get pregnant. So having no idea was so frustrating!!
When the nurse gave me her un-helpful advice I felt so useless. I left with a brave, numb face on, walking the back way home because I knew I was close to tears. My partner thought he was being supportive by phoning me while I was walking home. I shouldnt have answered because when he asked me how it went I just burst into tears. I felt so desolate. I know it sounds so dramatic but thats how it felt at the time. Like my body wouldnt work and I'd never get pregnant. My heart was aching for a baby and somehow I felt like the longer it takes the less likely I am to get it, like it was falling out of reach.
So this month, well. I had egg white streatchy CM. Only a day of it though. So we did 'try'. How long can |I wait before getting excited? Every time I feel the hope flutter I instantly feel dread about experiancing the dissapointment again. Its only been 4months, should be another 2 months before the pills even out my body anyway! So I know I shouldnt be getting so strung up about it already but I cant seem to help it.
Just fingers crossed I have a Cycle, pregnant or period, fingers crossed my body is doing something!
Saturday, 22 September 2012
so much so fast!
Its so cliche, but time truly fly when your a parent!
I so wanted to record every thought and feeling like a true 'blogger', having failed to keep a diary. But by the time I have a quiet moment to reflect and relax, I'm far too tired to coherently type.
Being a public but personal blog I'm torn between wanting to ramble just to clear my head, and actually wanting to write in an intelligent readable and entertainin manner. I'll probably be switching alot depend on the day of the week!
In the time I haven't been blogging, Goslings grown up so much, before I started this blog I was concerned about her speech, not majorly, just normal mum worries of why she wouldn't say anyting other then animal noises. Now shes using sentences! she tells me little storys about her day, she can tell me exactly what she'd like to snack on, and where she wants to go and who she wants to see. She understand instruction accurately and is getting very good at sharing.
Shes turned two years old and is still breastfeeding, she was ill a few months ago so we re-introduced bedtime feeding, and when she got better we had to wean her off again. Bed times are never a sure thing for easiness, but atm we are enjoying cuddles and storys and only a short rocking before in her cot to pat her bum to sleepy land.
Shes amazingly good at swimming, took to the water like a fish! Shes so happy when she knows we're going swimming, singing 'swimmmingswiiiiiimming' the whole way there.
She taken very well to being carried in a back sling, after a few practises at home she finally decided she enjoyed it when we went for a walk in the woods. I've decided I absolutely hate the buggy! sure its good for shopping, but the ease of baby on your back and walking freely, well, i wanna right my review/experience in another blog.
When we're going out with the carrier now I ask her to climb on, she crys out with excitement ' yeay! mummy, clipclopclipclop', shes ready for a horsey ride, hehe! Now hoping to order more, and we're very excited.
And talking of excitement, or lack of it, we're still not pregnant. I literally ache to be pregnant. My last period was 3weeks late. That was three weeks of absolute hell! Another thing I will rant at length about in another post.
Well, hopefully will be spamming with posts when myl aptop comes back next week!
I so wanted to record every thought and feeling like a true 'blogger', having failed to keep a diary. But by the time I have a quiet moment to reflect and relax, I'm far too tired to coherently type.
Being a public but personal blog I'm torn between wanting to ramble just to clear my head, and actually wanting to write in an intelligent readable and entertainin manner. I'll probably be switching alot depend on the day of the week!
In the time I haven't been blogging, Goslings grown up so much, before I started this blog I was concerned about her speech, not majorly, just normal mum worries of why she wouldn't say anyting other then animal noises. Now shes using sentences! she tells me little storys about her day, she can tell me exactly what she'd like to snack on, and where she wants to go and who she wants to see. She understand instruction accurately and is getting very good at sharing.
Shes turned two years old and is still breastfeeding, she was ill a few months ago so we re-introduced bedtime feeding, and when she got better we had to wean her off again. Bed times are never a sure thing for easiness, but atm we are enjoying cuddles and storys and only a short rocking before in her cot to pat her bum to sleepy land.
Shes amazingly good at swimming, took to the water like a fish! Shes so happy when she knows we're going swimming, singing 'swimmmingswiiiiiimming' the whole way there.
She taken very well to being carried in a back sling, after a few practises at home she finally decided she enjoyed it when we went for a walk in the woods. I've decided I absolutely hate the buggy! sure its good for shopping, but the ease of baby on your back and walking freely, well, i wanna right my review/experience in another blog.
When we're going out with the carrier now I ask her to climb on, she crys out with excitement ' yeay! mummy, clipclopclipclop', shes ready for a horsey ride, hehe! Now hoping to order more, and we're very excited.
And talking of excitement, or lack of it, we're still not pregnant. I literally ache to be pregnant. My last period was 3weeks late. That was three weeks of absolute hell! Another thing I will rant at length about in another post.
Well, hopefully will be spamming with posts when myl aptop comes back next week!
proud moment, growing up x
You may imagion what your child will be like while your pregnant, and from a young age you think you 'know' there personality. I thought i had a car loving, climbing, fearless, active, loud, fun, cheerfull, chatty amazing little almost tomboy girl. Well she is. What i hadnt thought was she'd be a pretty in pink sparkle loving princess!
My child is only 2 years old and I can't use the loo upstairs without hearing ' mummy pretty pretty' and finding her raiding my makeup box,( how the hell did she reach it!?) And used up all my metallic purple lip STAIN! Guess I should be glad she hasn't figured out how to unscrew the eye powders. Yet.
She got stained bright pink, and it was the lipstick that normally stays on for 2 days... I didnt think I even wore lipstick much (even tho I own loads and will have to hide them in the safe) yet I must've influenced her.
I make a point of telling her every thing is pretty, blue, green, clothes, cars, birds, dogs, trees, sticks, shadows, ectect. I avoid pink like the plague, not because I hate pink though, I actually have a fond spot for the 'right' pink. I'm just worried that pink is a gate way colour for frills and tiaras. Yet shes really decided on her own the the prettiest things are pink, shiny, glittery ectect >.<
Still, love her more every day watching her grown into a very real little person, she'll be telling me in no time that 'MUM, you can't go out in that!!' LOL.
My child is only 2 years old and I can't use the loo upstairs without hearing ' mummy pretty pretty' and finding her raiding my makeup box,( how the hell did she reach it!?) And used up all my metallic purple lip STAIN! Guess I should be glad she hasn't figured out how to unscrew the eye powders. Yet.
She got stained bright pink, and it was the lipstick that normally stays on for 2 days... I didnt think I even wore lipstick much (even tho I own loads and will have to hide them in the safe) yet I must've influenced her.
I make a point of telling her every thing is pretty, blue, green, clothes, cars, birds, dogs, trees, sticks, shadows, ectect. I avoid pink like the plague, not because I hate pink though, I actually have a fond spot for the 'right' pink. I'm just worried that pink is a gate way colour for frills and tiaras. Yet shes really decided on her own the the prettiest things are pink, shiny, glittery ectect >.<
Still, love her more every day watching her grown into a very real little person, she'll be telling me in no time that 'MUM, you can't go out in that!!' LOL.
 |
| *preeeeeettty* |
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
proud moment number2
So, recently Gosling has realised the benifit of affection, it can be used for bargaining or for apology or just getting her own way!
A few weeks ago I'm crawling around tidying while she is have some chill out time with the TV. I suddenly feel her patting me on the back, I say to her "awww am I a good mummy? Thats lovely patting sweetheart" but her response was "NO! pooooooo....". I twisted round and saw that she was correct. It was poo, rubbed into my Tshirt. thank you sweet heart xxx
A few weeks ago I'm crawling around tidying while she is have some chill out time with the TV. I suddenly feel her patting me on the back, I say to her "awww am I a good mummy? Thats lovely patting sweetheart" but her response was "NO! pooooooo....". I twisted round and saw that she was correct. It was poo, rubbed into my Tshirt. thank you sweet heart xxx
away from blogging :(
well, not that I have any 'followers' yet but in case anyone wonders why I was absent so long its pretty simple, my laptop died! I don't have time to write on my partners as his often in need of it, an I kept thinking it wouldn't be long till its fixed! over a month ago!! lol
well, lots happened, goslings 2years old, we're still TTC, Ive not had a period in 3 weeks but still NEGATIVE! ectect.
I may have to back track and write a few future posts by memory instead of when they happened. Feel a bit bad as I was determined to give blogging a better go then I did my baby diary, which only has a shocking 2 entry's, 1year apart in it. eep!
well, hoping for my blogs soon! xxx
well, lots happened, goslings 2years old, we're still TTC, Ive not had a period in 3 weeks but still NEGATIVE! ectect.
I may have to back track and write a few future posts by memory instead of when they happened. Feel a bit bad as I was determined to give blogging a better go then I did my baby diary, which only has a shocking 2 entry's, 1year apart in it. eep!
well, hoping for my blogs soon! xxx
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