Tuesday, 19 February 2013
PREGNANT! first trimester so far :D
Got my BFP on the 20th of january! though it was very faint. I was only just 4weeks. I should be due 30th of sept :D
I took another test to a few days later hoping to see a comforting dark line but it was just as faint :/
I'm one of those people who has to test alot to keep checking because I dont feel pregnant! all my symptoms on the run up to bfp were the same ibs/af symptoms I get, so didnt think I'd get my bfp this month, so glad I have! I'm still tired but all my achy af'ness has stopped already. and my IBS has calmed down so dont know if that was pregnancy related. was the same with Gosling. I should've be glad that I didnt have lotsa bad symtoms so early.
I knew I shouldnt get excited so early but I cant help it! We started trying in JUNE. That seems so long ago now! I phoned my midwife but she said I have to be refered to her by my surgery midewife, who will see me at 8weeks and then after the 12wk scan I can see my chosen midwife, seems so far off! I hate waiting >.<
The week before my BFP I was having IBS and af symtoms and feeling very sorry for myself, I was craving and eating nuttella porridge every morning! I thought it was a chocy AF sorta craving, but obviously not! trying to eat more carefully now, first 2 weeks after bfp i was craving nuts nuts nuts! an a lil dried fruit, so not all bad. my second 2 weeks, im now in week 8, ive felt very thirsty, very hungry, and very nauseas, I hate the thought of food but I'm starving! driving me bonkers!
I read my bump will be out sooner, not sure if I'm thrilled or dreading, I kinda wanted to keep quiet and im a terrible liar so hiding a bump at 12wks might be hard :/ lol!
already I have a bigger belly, I think alot of it is bloating but its like its all gathered behind my belly buttom if that makes sense, I can still do up all my jeans but sadly the lil layer of fat left from previous preg now lips over my jeans a bit, and all my tops are tight round belly, its the oddest , most unflattering bump I've ever seen, lol! It seems really high up for 8weeks, my last one started growing bladder height, till I couldnt do up jeans an then it grew up wards, this one is coming right out the middle of my belly! cant wait for it to round off. :D
I still work at a breastfeeding cafe and people always ask me if we'll be having another baby, I normally say 'I hope so! we're ttc soon' now I'm pregnant though, I tried saying it, like 'I hope so'and leave it at that, but at 6 weeks i cracked and started letting a few people who asked know.
Lots of people knewfound out we're trying but no one mentioned it, luckily they are a sensible bunch who know that asking 'are you pregnant yet?' every week might bet a person down, lol.
we only told our closest freinds for the first few weeks. I was going to tell family when they visit in a month or so.. but they knew we're ttc, and since I might have a bump by theni cracked and told them on the phone! still not going to Facebook it though, I'm tempted to post after my 8week appointment tomrrow, I'll have to see what the midwife says about miscarriage rates at this stage.
Oh, and I'm still nursing Gosling, more on that in another post ;P (soon hopefully!)
Monday, 28 January 2013
new year new determination
January first week
Gosling has breastfed in the mornings, as I plan to keep doing, she had no more till nap time (but LOTS of food snacks) at naptime I manage to breastfeed her for less the 10minutes, cuddling her to sleep while she is in bed, her arm wrapped round my neck in a very loving death grip, lol!
she had no more bf in afternoon ( again tho, lots of snacks, its like she is starving!)
the other at night i asked my partner to put her to bed so I wouldnt have to feed her, but being a man he left the night light on even tho we know full well that she'll get out of bed if there is any light! I only discoverded the light was on after she'd gotten out of bed 3 times and he insisted each time the lights were all off, gah! so i had to feed her, but managed less the 5minutes!
Gosling has been very good recently, ive been trying to keep her busy, and explaining that MIlkies are for babies and sleepy times only.
A few weeks ago, she fed in the morning, then i decide to keep busy! we went to town early and to the library, my hope was that she'd be worn out and fall asleep without milk on my way to BF cafe where i am a peer supporter. she did not fall asleep! i walk around for an extra half an hour an she still didnt sleep. at the end of cafe she had a melt down that required milk. she fell asleep on the way home and woke up when wegot back, she was very upset had some milkbut was near hysterics and made me cry too trying toconvince her to stop.
I so so so want another baby, but trying to 'restirct' feeds has been so horrible, Ive been torn about giving in, missing the milk and cuddles through out the day, and i know neither of us is ready to quit, so what if pregnancy drys me up? hopefully its worth it and we'll make it through some how.
I'm due to 'surge' this weekend, CD14. If the reducing works, the surge will get high enough to ovulate. I have OPKs at the ready, and checking for EWCM every day recording it all on Countdowntopregnancy.com
Im totally prepared to DTD and make a baby!
Gosling has breastfed in the mornings, as I plan to keep doing, she had no more till nap time (but LOTS of food snacks) at naptime I manage to breastfeed her for less the 10minutes, cuddling her to sleep while she is in bed, her arm wrapped round my neck in a very loving death grip, lol!
she had no more bf in afternoon ( again tho, lots of snacks, its like she is starving!)
the other at night i asked my partner to put her to bed so I wouldnt have to feed her, but being a man he left the night light on even tho we know full well that she'll get out of bed if there is any light! I only discoverded the light was on after she'd gotten out of bed 3 times and he insisted each time the lights were all off, gah! so i had to feed her, but managed less the 5minutes!
Gosling has been very good recently, ive been trying to keep her busy, and explaining that MIlkies are for babies and sleepy times only.
A few weeks ago, she fed in the morning, then i decide to keep busy! we went to town early and to the library, my hope was that she'd be worn out and fall asleep without milk on my way to BF cafe where i am a peer supporter. she did not fall asleep! i walk around for an extra half an hour an she still didnt sleep. at the end of cafe she had a melt down that required milk. she fell asleep on the way home and woke up when wegot back, she was very upset had some milkbut was near hysterics and made me cry too trying toconvince her to stop.
I so so so want another baby, but trying to 'restirct' feeds has been so horrible, Ive been torn about giving in, missing the milk and cuddles through out the day, and i know neither of us is ready to quit, so what if pregnancy drys me up? hopefully its worth it and we'll make it through some how.
I'm due to 'surge' this weekend, CD14. If the reducing works, the surge will get high enough to ovulate. I have OPKs at the ready, and checking for EWCM every day recording it all on Countdowntopregnancy.com
Im totally prepared to DTD and make a baby!
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Daddy bath?
Gosling is currently very curious, and likes to know the names of everything, how things work, and where every one is. I like to try and be as accurate as a 2year old can handle.
Gosling can hear the bath running and says 'my bath', I said no its daddys, daddy is stinky an needs a bath!' shes very thoughtful and says ' daddy naked!' I' confirm,' yep! in the bath, gotta be naked' so she starts saying 'daddy dinkle daddy dinkle!' so trying not to laugh \I'm agreeing 'yep daddys dinkles in the bath too! hehe.
Gosling can hear the bath running and says 'my bath', I said no its daddys, daddy is stinky an needs a bath!' shes very thoughtful and says ' daddy naked!' I' confirm,' yep! in the bath, gotta be naked' so she starts saying 'daddy dinkle daddy dinkle!' so trying not to laugh \I'm agreeing 'yep daddys dinkles in the bath too! hehe.
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
record keeping
Now its december, I think I need to commit and accept that this blog is a monthly thing!
Once again it comes around to me TTC, but tbh that is why I started blogging, and I shouldve been recording it better.
Each cycle I've had symtoms and I should be writing them down here so I can keep track better.
Ive been making symbolic wiggles and dots on my calander in bright pink pen, and it all makes sence to me! I havent written down how I feel though, so heres me trying to fix that.
It occured to me to record symtoms when I started having 'pregnancy' symptoms AGAIN.
I started trying to compare to how i felt last month in the week before AF (aunt flow- period) got me, or how i felt the cycle before that. Turns out I dont really remeber that far back! (last 2 cycles were 45+ days long each)
so... sorry for tmi coming..still getting the hang of lingo atm but next time I'll try just 'code' lol!
On day 23 of this cycle I had EWCM ( egg white cerival mucus)
we DTD (did the dance-sex) on that day, two days before, and two after.
FC! fingers crossed! hopefully I actually ovulated this time ( i had EWCM 3 times last month, and actually ovulated on a week far too stressfull to dtd)
We've been DTD every few days so if that wasnt it maybe we caught it anyway.
Since day day 29, i have had my IBS (irritable bowel syndrom) playing up. I've been bloated, in pain, and constipated.
Symptoms I also had last month on the week before AF.
on day 30 however the symptoms had taken a diffrent turn. along with the previous list I had, loss of appitite, nausea after eating, 'sicky' feeling, occasional lower acheyness.
This makes me wonder if I did conceive as I dont normally get nausea. but I am trying (and probably) failing to get excited. Plenty of bugs this time of year...
anyway. thats this months timeings and symptoms! if i conceived on day 23, I will be due two weeks before goslings birthday! and then she'll be off to nursery, will be a very busy month! lol.
Once again it comes around to me TTC, but tbh that is why I started blogging, and I shouldve been recording it better.
Each cycle I've had symtoms and I should be writing them down here so I can keep track better.
Ive been making symbolic wiggles and dots on my calander in bright pink pen, and it all makes sence to me! I havent written down how I feel though, so heres me trying to fix that.
It occured to me to record symtoms when I started having 'pregnancy' symptoms AGAIN.
I started trying to compare to how i felt last month in the week before AF (aunt flow- period) got me, or how i felt the cycle before that. Turns out I dont really remeber that far back! (last 2 cycles were 45+ days long each)
so... sorry for tmi coming..still getting the hang of lingo atm but next time I'll try just 'code' lol!
On day 23 of this cycle I had EWCM ( egg white cerival mucus)
we DTD (did the dance-sex) on that day, two days before, and two after.
FC! fingers crossed! hopefully I actually ovulated this time ( i had EWCM 3 times last month, and actually ovulated on a week far too stressfull to dtd)
We've been DTD every few days so if that wasnt it maybe we caught it anyway.
Since day day 29, i have had my IBS (irritable bowel syndrom) playing up. I've been bloated, in pain, and constipated.
Symptoms I also had last month on the week before AF.
on day 30 however the symptoms had taken a diffrent turn. along with the previous list I had, loss of appitite, nausea after eating, 'sicky' feeling, occasional lower acheyness.
This makes me wonder if I did conceive as I dont normally get nausea. but I am trying (and probably) failing to get excited. Plenty of bugs this time of year...
anyway. thats this months timeings and symptoms! if i conceived on day 23, I will be due two weeks before goslings birthday! and then she'll be off to nursery, will be a very busy month! lol.
Friday, 9 November 2012
thinking to the future (FC!)
Wow a month since my last blog :/
As always i come on here with little mind to what I'll be writting, but plough ahead anyway, here goes!
Well I feel that I'm actually avoiding blogging for fear of constantly moaning about TTC. Also avoiding baby and breastfeeding forums that I previously loved and attending baby cafe were I help out new mums.
My last cycle was 60 days long. I only took 3 tests and only spent one week getting excited thinking 'we MUST have done it this time! I have all the symptoms!' only to get my period. Yes I did cry. I'd promised my self I wouldn't get my hopes up and I managed 53 days of just not thinking, worrying or obsessing, but that last week I was on Actively Trying Groups, everyday comparing my 'symptom' with others, the mind can be terribly cruel.
This month I'm receiving holistic help, I'm looking forward to getting my MGG full buckle carrier! I'm buying Christmas presents. I'm going to walk more and lose he weight I put on in the last 2 weeks from self pity eating, lol!
I'm going to make more of an effort to write the amazing things that Gosling does, because she is a wonder to behold, they all are, her and her friends, they're growing up so fast!
This last month I've really seen them all interacting (mostly ending in tears, lol!) but its really great hearing Gosling communicating so well, especially with her dad, it really helps them to bond as he isn't as patient as I am and is easily stressed (mainly because his all ready stressed, work!) so now she can put across clearly what she wants its easier for him to respond how she needs! Its heart warming to hear them play together in the mornings and evenings.
I'd love for them to have more time together but with work and his cars time is mostly taken, sometime in the near future I hope work will have finally changed for the better and with the stress levels down, the cars will be sold or in a state where they can be left while we spend more family time. We've had a fair share of problems with how money/time/stress is being managed and this month the stress levels have been rocketing up and down. Its been hard sometimes thinking about carrying on in a high stress situation, wondering if maybe things will always be that bad and how on earth we'll cope with another child.
But, even though I'm moaning on here, I am looking to the future, I know in 10 years we'll have another child, and look back at these years as the difficult years. Trying to conceive, raising babies, young children, house to work on, mortgage to pay, job being stressful and uncertain, but we stuck it out and it was worth it. I see so many people thinking that hard spells are a time to end relationships, its hard to find a relationship that's made it through hard times and survived positively.
We keep mind to that fact we have the same goals, same wants, and we love each other and our little family. Its a working process of trail an error and compromise.
'Fingers crossed' as they always say on the' AT' groups, FC for a baby, a steady job and a happy family.
As always i come on here with little mind to what I'll be writting, but plough ahead anyway, here goes!
Well I feel that I'm actually avoiding blogging for fear of constantly moaning about TTC. Also avoiding baby and breastfeeding forums that I previously loved and attending baby cafe were I help out new mums.
My last cycle was 60 days long. I only took 3 tests and only spent one week getting excited thinking 'we MUST have done it this time! I have all the symptoms!' only to get my period. Yes I did cry. I'd promised my self I wouldn't get my hopes up and I managed 53 days of just not thinking, worrying or obsessing, but that last week I was on Actively Trying Groups, everyday comparing my 'symptom' with others, the mind can be terribly cruel.
This month I'm receiving holistic help, I'm looking forward to getting my MGG full buckle carrier! I'm buying Christmas presents. I'm going to walk more and lose he weight I put on in the last 2 weeks from self pity eating, lol!
I'm going to make more of an effort to write the amazing things that Gosling does, because she is a wonder to behold, they all are, her and her friends, they're growing up so fast!
This last month I've really seen them all interacting (mostly ending in tears, lol!) but its really great hearing Gosling communicating so well, especially with her dad, it really helps them to bond as he isn't as patient as I am and is easily stressed (mainly because his all ready stressed, work!) so now she can put across clearly what she wants its easier for him to respond how she needs! Its heart warming to hear them play together in the mornings and evenings.
I'd love for them to have more time together but with work and his cars time is mostly taken, sometime in the near future I hope work will have finally changed for the better and with the stress levels down, the cars will be sold or in a state where they can be left while we spend more family time. We've had a fair share of problems with how money/time/stress is being managed and this month the stress levels have been rocketing up and down. Its been hard sometimes thinking about carrying on in a high stress situation, wondering if maybe things will always be that bad and how on earth we'll cope with another child.
But, even though I'm moaning on here, I am looking to the future, I know in 10 years we'll have another child, and look back at these years as the difficult years. Trying to conceive, raising babies, young children, house to work on, mortgage to pay, job being stressful and uncertain, but we stuck it out and it was worth it. I see so many people thinking that hard spells are a time to end relationships, its hard to find a relationship that's made it through hard times and survived positively.
We keep mind to that fact we have the same goals, same wants, and we love each other and our little family. Its a working process of trail an error and compromise.
'Fingers crossed' as they always say on the' AT' groups, FC for a baby, a steady job and a happy family.
Friday, 5 October 2012
Impatient and frustrated, TTC.
October!
My favorite time of the month! My birthday, a sling arriving, halloween, and oh, had CM, so could've concieved! Yet for all the things I could be excited I try not to be. and in an ironic twist, trying not to be excited make me feel depressed. But getting excited means dissapointment.
My birthday with my family so far and few close freinds, and Mr.Goose not being so good with suprises and such, its never as good as when your young. The sling might not fit, I found it so difficult to keep Gosling still for measurement. Halloween! so much loved but getting too old for just enjoying pissing it up with the few pub freinds I have. I miss proper childrens partys, but the youngesters are a bit too young to do proper games so just having a small party, I'm always nervous about hosting.
And TTC.
Last month, with my period 3 weeks late. 4 negative results, and no ovulation symptoms, I had to try so hard not to be excited or depressed. I'd feel achey or tired, excitment. test, negative, depression. I finally decide I had enough of being helpless and usless and depressed. So I went to a nurse for advice, how do I get ovulation on track? She started out optimistic when I told her I was 3 weeks late, which wasnt very thoughtful on her part. She told me I might be pregnant but too early for home tests. So needed me to take a test. Her attitude set off my excitment again, not soaring but fluttering hopefully, rising as we waited for the result. But it was negative, of course. I felt my hopes crash down and shatter when she told me there was nothing she could do to encourage ovulation and to just keep trying.
Trying? How the hell was I supposed to 'try' if I wasnt ovulating? My body was playing tricks and I hated it so much, I could just about handle getting periods, because well, I could 'try' next time. With partners stress at work and me running after a toddler, both tired, its hard to just 'keep trying' we couldnt do it every day in the off chance I might be ovulating. Despite wanting another baby we hadnt manage to 'up our game', we averaged once a week. I was relying on CM, side pangs, and timing, to try to get pregnant. So having no idea was so frustrating!!
When the nurse gave me her un-helpful advice I felt so useless. I left with a brave, numb face on, walking the back way home because I knew I was close to tears. My partner thought he was being supportive by phoning me while I was walking home. I shouldnt have answered because when he asked me how it went I just burst into tears. I felt so desolate. I know it sounds so dramatic but thats how it felt at the time. Like my body wouldnt work and I'd never get pregnant. My heart was aching for a baby and somehow I felt like the longer it takes the less likely I am to get it, like it was falling out of reach.
So this month, well. I had egg white streatchy CM. Only a day of it though. So we did 'try'. How long can |I wait before getting excited? Every time I feel the hope flutter I instantly feel dread about experiancing the dissapointment again. Its only been 4months, should be another 2 months before the pills even out my body anyway! So I know I shouldnt be getting so strung up about it already but I cant seem to help it.
Just fingers crossed I have a Cycle, pregnant or period, fingers crossed my body is doing something!
My favorite time of the month! My birthday, a sling arriving, halloween, and oh, had CM, so could've concieved! Yet for all the things I could be excited I try not to be. and in an ironic twist, trying not to be excited make me feel depressed. But getting excited means dissapointment.
My birthday with my family so far and few close freinds, and Mr.Goose not being so good with suprises and such, its never as good as when your young. The sling might not fit, I found it so difficult to keep Gosling still for measurement. Halloween! so much loved but getting too old for just enjoying pissing it up with the few pub freinds I have. I miss proper childrens partys, but the youngesters are a bit too young to do proper games so just having a small party, I'm always nervous about hosting.
And TTC.
Last month, with my period 3 weeks late. 4 negative results, and no ovulation symptoms, I had to try so hard not to be excited or depressed. I'd feel achey or tired, excitment. test, negative, depression. I finally decide I had enough of being helpless and usless and depressed. So I went to a nurse for advice, how do I get ovulation on track? She started out optimistic when I told her I was 3 weeks late, which wasnt very thoughtful on her part. She told me I might be pregnant but too early for home tests. So needed me to take a test. Her attitude set off my excitment again, not soaring but fluttering hopefully, rising as we waited for the result. But it was negative, of course. I felt my hopes crash down and shatter when she told me there was nothing she could do to encourage ovulation and to just keep trying.
Trying? How the hell was I supposed to 'try' if I wasnt ovulating? My body was playing tricks and I hated it so much, I could just about handle getting periods, because well, I could 'try' next time. With partners stress at work and me running after a toddler, both tired, its hard to just 'keep trying' we couldnt do it every day in the off chance I might be ovulating. Despite wanting another baby we hadnt manage to 'up our game', we averaged once a week. I was relying on CM, side pangs, and timing, to try to get pregnant. So having no idea was so frustrating!!
When the nurse gave me her un-helpful advice I felt so useless. I left with a brave, numb face on, walking the back way home because I knew I was close to tears. My partner thought he was being supportive by phoning me while I was walking home. I shouldnt have answered because when he asked me how it went I just burst into tears. I felt so desolate. I know it sounds so dramatic but thats how it felt at the time. Like my body wouldnt work and I'd never get pregnant. My heart was aching for a baby and somehow I felt like the longer it takes the less likely I am to get it, like it was falling out of reach.
So this month, well. I had egg white streatchy CM. Only a day of it though. So we did 'try'. How long can |I wait before getting excited? Every time I feel the hope flutter I instantly feel dread about experiancing the dissapointment again. Its only been 4months, should be another 2 months before the pills even out my body anyway! So I know I shouldnt be getting so strung up about it already but I cant seem to help it.
Just fingers crossed I have a Cycle, pregnant or period, fingers crossed my body is doing something!
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